Where My Thoughts Matter

e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

Regrets.

Saturday, March 16, 2013 ( 12:53 AM )

Its been a pretty stressful week if you ask me. With exams and all (Glad its over though) But mostly this past few days. I've been so worked up only because someone had just made me realise something. "You've been so used Amanda." Only then did I realise how much this has affected me.

I never expected myself to be where I am now. I really didn't know or expect it. Some of them of course would have told me about it, or disapproved but I never saw it as something bad or a threat. I guess what I can really say is I regret being so nice. I regret knowing so much. I regret being the person to introduce her to all my friends. She is now ALMOST in every social circle I'm in. and the fact that she has changed the people that were so close and dear to me, hurts the MOST. I couldn't even have imagined a situation like that a year ago. I'd never even thought about it. I thought I knew what it was going to be like. I thought it was all under control. WELL I THOUGHT WRONG. I should have listened to Jo mun, and Joanne, and Amy, and everyone else that was never very supportive. Its like seeing someone living my life for me. Some said, that she was just trying to take my place. BUT REALLY. Why.

It just hurts that someone, i was so close to bfr feels like someone I don't even know anymore. The change in people can really make an impact on you. I just feel like something close an dear to me has just be taken away. just like that. And the fact, that I'm not the only one feeling the change doesn't help either. some are affected by it, and some are just curious. There are literally people, coming up to me asking what happened and why are they so close now. I don't even have an answer.

I am not trying to hate nor am I trying to make anyone feel bad. I just think that we all deserve at least some respect or an explanation of some sort. I understand that there's nothing much that I can do as I caused most of the change. Most of them asked me, 'You plan to do anything?' the question is. "what CAN I do?' Maybe like Joanne says, we should all have a little faith and trust. I guess that's the only thing we can do now. Just have faith and trust. or be like Ben who feels it but decides to 'Just screw it!' HAH. I really look up to those who has endured it for a year and can still keep it in.

Well there's so much more from that came from. from my family to my church friends. its official that my life revolves around her. Maybe I'm being sensitive, or emotional, or demanding. But I can't help it. You don't know what its like to be on this side.

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