Where My Thoughts Matter

e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

Imperfections.

Monday, September 17, 2012 ( 6:13 AM )

Heyo.. Okay. before I go on, be reminded, that this is going to be a pretty long ass post. So bear with me please. But yea.. also, this is probably one of my most honest post ever. So, I'm just gonna be straight to the point. No twist and turns, just the flat truth. I hope the readers, friends or not, wont take this the wrong way as it is merely something I'm trying hard to do and overcome. ALSO, I'm gonna do this post in colours today. spice it up a little.

First of all, I need to clarify that I am not perfect. I mean cmon, who is? Before this, i was worse. And I am still trying hard to be better. I can't stand certain things/people. Of course. well everyone is like that. and I am no exception. We often get jealous easily and try to make ourselves feel better by trying to point out the flaws in other people. And yes, I know I do that too.

Secondly, you should know, that I am the type of person that cannot stand a person for too long. This is one of my imperfections/flaws. What I'm trying to say is, I can't stand clingy people. I have this thinking, whenever you spend too much time with that one person, you tend to point out their flaws and get annoyed easily. I know I'm not the only one who feels this. because I know how hard it is to see a person everyday and try to think that he/she is perfect. This situation, may lead to hating that person or getting annoyed very easily and start to talk about it among other friends. I personally, know that me myself, do not have the level of tolerance/self-control to bear with some people's attitudes or actions. And sometimes I get a bit overboard and tend to rant a lot about it. As I know there's no easy way for me to stop me and my thinking towards someone. I try to avoid such situations by taking breaks/intervals.

By breaks and intervals, i mean, I have a lot of friends. I'm not trying to boast or anything. but I'm very grateful for each and everyone of them. And I think the reason is because I cannot limit myself to only one friend. As I know I would start to hate on that person. This is why I spend my time equally with all of them. This is why, you rarely see me hanging out with only one group of friends all the time. This is mainly because I cherish each and everyone of them and I don't want to put anyone of them first. Also, if I only spend time with that one group of friends, Sooner or later, hatred or the feeling of annoyance will inevitably start to grow.This happens to everyone I assume. I guess that's where the phrase 'Everything is moderation is good.' comes in. Excess is never a good thing. (for me at least) So.. to all my friends out there, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. So if you think that I don't spend enough time with ya'll or think that I prefer other friends over you, than I am sorry to say that I just cannot commit myslef completely to you. haha call it commitment issues i guess. HAHA I am though, grateful and thank God for you guys. I seriously do. NO joke. I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for you guys.

THE IMPORTANT PART:

So yea... :) Well, if there is one person out there, that you can spend your entire time with then it should be the person you marry. despite their flaws and imperfections, you still bear with it and still love them for who they are. That is what I look for in my future I guess :)
Well of course there are some people that I am very close to or like. That is probably because they are different. Yes. I like people who are different. I like people who are not afraid to be who they are. People who know what they want and what they like instead of tying to just please society. These type of people are the opposites of me. HAHA yes. That's why I'm so close to them. I guess its just the feeling of comfort they bring upon me when they're around. They make me realise how being yourself is important. and help me see them in ways other people don't. If I meet someone like myself, I would not approach her. I like people who are different. Society thinks that people who are different are people who are weird. In fact, I think, that they are the best people to be friends with because they're not fake, they're not stereotypes. They're not the type of people that's always wanting to please everyone and needing constant attention. The type of person that always want to fit in. This world is already full of these people. And I know, I am one too. SO DON'T BE OFFENDED. Because, you may be different to other people out there. THIS IS ME.. my perspective. That being said, Most of my friends are people like that. so am I. Thus, if you see me extra close to that one or more person, you would notice that its because they are different too. Some people don't see what I see in people. And that is what makes it more interesting. :) So if you are going to judge my friends and I, why not look in the mirror before you do so. I say this with total awareness that I am that imperfect person looking for another imperfect person.

I guess that's about all I want to say. I really hope friends out there don't take this the wrong way. As you know, how I feel about ALL my friends. Just bear with me as I repeat. I AM IMPERFECT TOO :)

LOVE,
AMANDA (saying something honest for the very 1st time) =)

Updates

Friday, September 14, 2012 ( 10:10 AM )

Hey all you earthlings out there. I don't think I've updated you guys much for a while now. But yea, so here's briefly what you've missed out on.

Basically, nothing much has happened. September is a hectic month. My schedule is screwed up. I had to rearrange all my tuition classes and activities. Graduation Night is coming up and you can say, I'm pretty psyched to see how things come together. So yea. this 2 weeks have been hectic. But I still manage to find time for myself. So I guess I'm still okay =)

Its not long before the year comes to an end. And all I can say now is. This year has been an eventful year for me so far. So many new people in my life. Although it may seem like a good thing. But honestly, its actually pretty hard to keep up with everything. New friends, new people, new mates. Not forgetting the old mates. Sometimes, I'd wish I was able to split myself into half or maybe even 3. I'm actually very grateful for all my friends. I really am. NO JOKE. but I know, I'm never enough for some people. Its hard to need to please everyone. But I've come to learn that friends are not people you categorise. They should all deserve equal attention and yea. So basically to sum it all up, this year so far has been bonding time with the mates. HAHA. Its great having to know so many good buds that are around and each one of them are unique in their own way. =D

Other than that, I'm also trying hard to catch up with my studies despite this busy time as exams are just round the corner and its important for me to do well i guess. I won't go into details but yea.. Also, things have been going pretty smoothly. I'm actually quite contented with life right now. I mean everything seems to be in place and I just wish it'd stay like that for now. After all I've been through at the start of the year. I think I have finally come to the point where I can look past that and start anew. =)

This is a collage I made the other day on my cupboard. Its to remind me how amazing and important these people are in my live. I would not be who I am today if it weren't for them. And I'm just so grateful for all the indelible memories they've left me with. <3 I can spend quite some time looking at this pics because every time I look at the pictures, I kinda relive those memories in my mind :)

Some of the pics on the cupboard :