Where My Thoughts Matter

e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

The Past

Tuesday, May 29, 2012 ( 8:30 AM )

Everyone has their own past. the things they've done, accomplished or even regret. For me, my past has been memorable yet regretful. There are things in the past I really wished I could have changed, or had never done. Until today, I still question what had made me do such things, or made such decisions. I really don't know. I guess this is what you call regrets. But of course there are things in the past that make me go, awwww, or grin just thinking about it. So yea, my mind often rewinds itself to the 'before this' days. The days when I was this, when I had this and had that and did this, and that, with them or him or her. Sometimes, its amazing and sometimes its depressing. The past can leave us with grins or tears. Depending on which you decide to look unto.

Personally, the past isn't all that bad. Its what makes me become a better person. Its the past that's the constant bell that rings when I come to the point of decision. They help me make my decisions and plans for the future. They help me think twice before doing something. I guess I'm grateful for that.

But now, at this very moment, I don't know why, I'm starting to ponder about this matter again. Even if in the past, I may have screwed up a couple of times, but I don't know why, it just seem to drive me to do it AGAIN. yes again. I very well know what the outcome of this is, Then why am I here pondering on what I should do, or whether or not I should do it? All my efforts of trying to be normal and forgive and forget might just go to waste just like that. I can honestly think of so much more negative outcomes then the positives. But why am I still leaning to the 'do it' side? But there's just something. that urge, that need to get the answer, the need to get the reason. I think that's what I truly want. Because, I don't think I can completely move one until I get it. But yea.. I'm still forcing myself to try to think rationally, but then there's this voice in my head that's saying. You need to know, what's the worse that could happen? It'd be over by then anyway? why not give it another chance? =.= (that's also what Qianru said) but I know, I've done my part before this, and its not up to me anymore. Its up to the big guy up there. =) and that's what I constantly remind myself. But hopefully, I'd just get over this sudden thought of mine and just try my best to be normal again. Hopefully, all this pays off.

Sometimes, somethings just can't be changed.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com