Where My Thoughts Matter

e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

Invincible in your eyes

Wednesday, September 8, 2010 ( 10:03 AM )

Its a quater after 1, Im all alone n I need u now.
Crying my eyes out, eyes wide open, and i need u now.
And i don't know how, I can deal with this now. I just need u now.

Aren't i suppose to b sleeping now? But unfortunately i can't. I'm left here all alone. Feeling lonely, crying my eyes out for u. U! i don even know why. U know, I don't deserve this. All my feelings and sorrow, trapped up inside me and not a single person knows. Including u.The past few months have been the worse of my life ( i think) I cried bcs of u! Bcs u make me so darn mad at times i just can't find words to express it out and thus i express it with tears. I pray all the time tat u would notice how hurt i am. I pray that u would understand wat i truely feel. I may tell u i'm ok. but i can tell u im not. N u should know. Everytime I tell u its ok, it isn't at all. Im crying on the other end and u think its ok and act like nths happen. Even when I'm writing this my heart has sunk, eyes are watery and feelings being hurt. Wat did i do to deserve all this? Why am I even still holding on to this string thats as thin s a thread and knowing that it would snap anytime soon. Is this even worth the wait? I wanna start counting the months of happiness not the months of hurt and pain u put me through. I cry out to God asking him that u will just once notice me or at least b there when i need u. what i can hold on to now is just the use to. U use to do all those things. U use to b there all the time even if i wanted it or not. U use to.... Gosh. I feel so stupid now waiting by the phone. I just really wished that u would understand how i feel. That someone, would just b there for me even if its not u.Bcs i know tat i am living in the past. The past was my fairytale, my dream come true. Should i give u more time until holidays? when u r free? and not busy all the time? I've given everything i can when u needed me. Every night i wait up just for u. Wat did i ever do.... tat was so wrong and invincible to u. Am I really that invincible to u? Am I really that worthless to u? I dunno. Crap my pillows all wet.

Oh well, I shall cry myself to sleep tonite. I pray u'd understand, that u will awake and just know that I am so freaking hurt.

Good nite.

Amanda the little girl =P

Tuesday, September 7, 2010 ( 8:16 AM )

LOL as u can c in the title.. Amanda the little girl. LOL Well, the story behind it was. I was on my bed, using the laptop=D and suddenly i heard this buzzing sound. and i was like nvm la. then it buzzed again then i started to search my room for it. Then another buzzing sound was heard and i realized it was near the light or the air-cond at the top of the wall which is above my bed. I started staring at the light for about 3 mins! LOL was like super scared. Yes, Amanda Soon is afraid of insects. I believe its called phobia! hahaha LOL but anyways i continued to go on9 and stuff until i saw the insect that was buzzing, it was on the ceiling above me now. it was a very small but bigger than usual fly. that was buzzing and stuff i got so freaked out. i ran down the stairs while holding my bolster. My mom was in the living room and i was like "mommy," holding the bolster in my hands. LOL at that moment I felt like a kid. A little girl! LOL well yea my mom asked me wat happened and I was like "insect" then my mom said where? i said in my room on the ceiling lol and she was like haihhh... LOL i went to the store room and got the insect spray thingi. LOL when she went upstairs and i opened the door and the fly was gone! gone! i was like where is it?! then i spotted it on the wall i showed my mom and i ran out. LOL closing the door behind me as i was afraid tat if she sprayed the fly it would fly towards me so i waited outside but peeked through the door alittle my mom couldn't get it for like 5 mins and finally it fell. I mean i saw it fell at least:)My mom scanned the
floor to c where it was, it wasn't there. And i was like behind the door saying is it on my bed? and she said no. Then i was like lifting up the blanket slowly like those kids to c if it was there. hahah then i said nvm la at least its dead and then i said thank you. then she sighed again and said ur afraid of a fly... LOL and i was. i really was. LOL and tat was it my little fly story which may come haunt me when i sleep tonite. LOL

Bye! =P

I Realise

Monday, September 6, 2010 ( 9:13 PM )

woke up today, had a headache, was really psyched to check the phone for msges of miss calls. but no.... there wasn't any. Wait, i did get a msg a rather sad one though. well, there goes my morning. I really wish tat sender of the msg had not send a msg like tat to me. LOL i was rather down/hurt when i read it. Ok lets say u. Imagine tat u were waiting for something to happen a really really long time u had many chances though, and u hoped every single time u had a chance but it nvr happened. and this time was the same, hope but nvr happened. Sad huh?. I realise alot of things for the past 2 months.
I realise that im the one tat needs to compromise all the time.
I realise that not everything will always go the way u planned.
I realise that sometimes things were just meant to be.
I realise that if it wasn't for my frens(jo lyn, fung xin, beh, chelsea, viann, yanyee) i would have been dead by now.
I realise that even thought i've known u for the past 2 years ++ i still didnt know u.
I realise that i will always be last on the list.
I realise that i stand no place in ur life.
I realise that these things will happen and that its not up to me to fix it.
I realise that now i shall just let it be and open up to more ppl who care for me.
I realise that I am not alone.
I realise that its time I be Amanda Soon the brave one and not give in to everything.
I realise that nothing or no one can make me down or sad bcs i have U God.

well... yea, i did lot of thinking today. More than i should and i feel much better now that i know what i want and what i don't want=D

Stay Strong=)

Realize-Colbie Caillat

Outstanding Indeed

( 7:49 AM )

Read alot of blogs today. And was really amazed by some but there was one particular blog that stand out to me. It was a fren's blog. A fren i was really close to last time. What made this person's blog stand out so much was that the posts were about me. (i think) but not all.. just a few. like maybe 4 out of 10. well this person had quite little post. And i think the old name too.So yea... how am i suppose to feel about it? am i suppose to b ecstatic? happy? shocked?creeped out? touched? scared? i didnt know.. but i think it was more to the touched and glad side.If this person was on9 ight now i would tell tat person but since he/she is not i shall just let it be=D And the blog is still one of my tabs now. I wonder y. LOL but the post had no dates. so i didn't know when was it could have been a long time ago. But anyways i guess i should just let it be=)

Don't worry, Be happy=D

Movie Review

( 6:36 AM )

Just finished watching camp rock 2(i know i know, was curios ok?) LOL
well anyways, it was alright but i gotta say the Nate guy, he's like a total stalker. He just has this binoculars and like looking at that girl and all. the best part is, the girl has a pair of binoculars too. I was like wat?! LOL.but anyways, it was alright it was not as bad. it was quite good actually. LOL and to all the camp rock fans out there. I guess they have finally got their wish of Joe and Demi kiss. LOL. well anyways, holidays have just been movies movies for me.:) lets c, i've watched he's just not that into you, 200 pounds of beauty, Rogue, Snakes on a Plane ( tell me about fake), G.I.Joe, and camp rock 2 in the pass 3 days. SO yea way to go for movie week this week:) well tats it for now i guess:)

STAY IN SCHOOL! lol

Completed!

Sunday, September 5, 2010 ( 11:29 PM )

Weeee! ok its offcially done! LOL well its a little dull but is the whole point right? well i've been trying to get this thing right for days:) so yea i guess i shall go hit some books for now as my mom would just come rushing in and seeing me on the com(not a good thing) yay! well blog later:)

Amanda+work=never give up

HElo!

( 9:40 PM )

Hello=D
LOL yea well this is my 1st and wont be the last post i hope.. so yea.. just wanna do a little shout out to Kexin Leong and Soon Wen Yen for helping me in producing this blog:) will post more soon :)

Peace out!

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